note: i am finally dragging this post out of its draft status from when it was written in early 2017

disclaimer: i absolutely hate drama and i always try to avoid it/stay of out situations like that.

people talk about friend detoxing and i was always sort of nod along and kinda get where they're coming from. sometimes relationships get so toxic that one has to resort to cutting off all ties with that person and get rid of them from their lives. i realise now i never had actual toxic friendships before. before this, i always thought "surely you'd know how terrible a person is before you become their friend and have to end up severing ties with them". people stop talking, or friendships fall away over time, but i never had to cease friendships just like that.

well, unfortunately (or fortunately), i am in the midst of a friend(s) detox.

these people were my roommates. and i always sort of got along well with them. we werent super close or anything like that, not in the same way some people are best friends with the people they share an apartment with here at Disney, but we said friendly hi's to each other in the mornings, and occasionally sat together and chatted. we werent having heart to heart chats but i would have considered them my friends. however, at the same time, i was also going out and meeting other people and doing things not with them. they were somewhat closer to each other, and would go into each other's rooms to chat, catch up, but also to gossip, i suspect. i wasnt really into sitting there and doing that, so i hardly joined in.

over the last couple of weeks, i got the feeling they were actively leaving me out of things, or that they had their own group chat and i was not in it. but i kinda brushed it off, thinking i was paranoid (im a huge overthinker). besides, i knew i didnt have to go to every single thing they had planned since:

a. i might not be interested.
b. i might not be free

They were still friendly and nothing else gave me the indication that they didnt treasure our friendship.

the breaking point was when they broke my trust and showed that they had no respect for me as their 'friend'.

we were supposed to go to miami together for 2.5 days, the 5 or 6 of us. however, it was close to one week before we were due to leave and i heard nothing about them booking anything. keep in mind we were all still working and had different schedules, so i didnt think much of it. then they changed tack and said they were going to key west instead, and i only found out about that because i dropped in when they we hanging out in one of their rooms. i had no say in it, but again, key west is a great place to go and i honestly didnt mind. then one or two days later, one of them posted on our roommate facebook page that "miami is too expensive, it's not worth only going for two days and we're going to have to cancel the trip". ok, now clearly i wasnt involved in this decision-making process at all, and i did manage to find a decent-priced deal that morning, which i mentioned to one of them before. at this point, i wasnt too surprised. i had an odd feeling that they would cancel anyway (someone told me i have trust issues and i think that is very true).

anyways, i was upset, but i put that behind me, because cost and time issues are legitimate reasons for not going. well to my utmost surprise (and my two other roommates, one of whom was also up for going on the trip as she managed to get those days off), i came home one night from work and found out from my roommate that 4 of them were in tampa (seaside city 1.5h away from orlando), and she only knew because she saw one of their photo's on fb. what made me really mad was that:

-obvs the fact that they cancelled our 'trip' and went on their own one (i still think i might be able to overlook that because i get that they might think im too boring or something to join in - i get that i cant please everyone and i have some weird quirks that people might not like)
-they went without telling us anything. this one im most upset about, because i had also clearly asked one of them what they were doing the next day and she replied "oh i think i just hanging out with so-and-so". they clearly showed that they had no respect for me (and my other roommates) by even telling me to my face what they were going to be doing.
-this is made even worse by the fact that we were on good terms before this. if we had got in a fight or if toxic they were clearly uncomfortable being around me, i definitely wouldnt have minded that they went somewhere together (see point one)

looking back, i now realise there were plenty of times i felt insecure when i was hanging out with them. i would keep second-guessing myself, and checking my words to make sure im saying the right thing in the right way, particularly around certain people. although we had good times together, the fact that i was so unsure of myself and where i stood with them should have told me that what we had was no 'friendship' at all.

in short, i no longer consider them my friends, and i can't see myself overlooking what theyve done and becoming friends again. my other rommmates might be able to, but i honestly am not that desperate for their friendship that im willing to subject myself to self-doubt and insecurity again. it's just not worth it.

p.s. im just writing this to remind myself to stop making excuses for their behaviour and to stop doubting whether ive overreacted to this incident. and also i just need to get this off my chest.